my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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