Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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