I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
