I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
