is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
