just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
