were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
