Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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