So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
