wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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