hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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