I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
