he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
