I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
