I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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