id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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