he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
