adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
