He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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