matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dicks are not precious.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
