I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
