I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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