trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We have started to decorate penises.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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