i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
