So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
