I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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