Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
