maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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