is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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