just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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