Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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