I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
