wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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