My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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