she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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