Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize