So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
