1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
