you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
