you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
