I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
