Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
