so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The uberlube is also flammable
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
