Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
