You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
