you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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