And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
