Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
