By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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