I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
