can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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