So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
