i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
