you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
