Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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