at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
