My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
