every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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