just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
