should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
