So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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