You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
